Down and out but not over

Today is a day of loss. I was let go at CCC after nearly 6 years. It was the greatest job of my life. Not even a job really but just something that was exciting and fun. In this post I want to express honesty, regardless of who reads it. Tonight I am immensely heartbroken, sad, a little scared about the near future with myself and my family. I know God has a future for me and knows it well. I need to hear from Him now. Maybe I am already. Perhaps then my ask would be to better understand what I am hearing. Our situation here was already a bit dicey on the financial end and now, well, with the economy the way it is, who knows? But, I am a survivor. I will get through it.

Sometimes now I ask myself, how did I get here? I remember the day I got the first phone call from Troy that involved a position at CCC. Right before that phone call was a low point in my career life. I was asking myself "is this all there is?". Then my life changed. Now, I feel like I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't like to toot my own horn but I had so much to offer. Now it is gone. Sorry, their choice - their loss. Now, well, that talent goes elsewhere. But where? We have some interesting decisions to make. I am almost 46. This is different from the last time I was laid off some 16 years ago. Who could take me? Can I land something that will last a long time? Where will it be? What would it be? I have my kids to think of. Do we move and they lose their friends and all else they were a part of (including friends at CCC)? I promised them today that I will do all in my power to keep us here. Maybe not this house but in this area. Of course, with the housing market the way it is, how much of a loss would we take? There are so many questions running in my head right now. It just doesn't feel right me not being around CCC. I can't play there anytime in the near future. That would hurt way too much on an emotional level. I think that I just need time.

Mary, Katrina, Alec, and I need to stick together and get through this. Thanks to God that Mary has her job at Whole Foods. It doesn't pay a lot right now but I guess something is better than nothing. Once the severance runs out we should, hopefully, be able to switch to her benefits after just a couple weeks. Tonight, my family has been a huge support to me. I love them all so much. So have been my very close friends Greg and Bryan. There has been some great support from them tonight as well. One thing that the job loss can't take away are the friends I found and grew close to. I don't doubt that many of them will remain close in the years to come.

I won't lie and say that there is no bitterness. There is. More to the situation, not at anyone. How did it get this way? Why were certain things done the past year that didn't need to be done? There were many decisions that I questioned the past year or so. I won't go into the details here. There is no place for that. I am concerned for CCC's future. Dave says it will be ok. Well, some philosophies will definitely need to be altered or this will happen again - bad economy or not. Ok, enough.

And finally, to my friend Eric who had to dish out the news. I harbor no ill will towards him. He remains my friend. I am only mad at the criteria used to determine who goes. But, as with any separation, I need some distance from many at CCC right now. Meaning, my serving there has to go on hold for a while.

Rest assured that I know God is watching out for myself and my family. It may very well be that this could even end up a blessing in disguise. I know God will come through for us in a big way. I take much comfort in that. As we move through the upcoming days and weeks I will update here how things are going. I already have some feelers out (yeah, I don't waste time. You'll see, I will be back on my feet very soon. Anyone who would count me out would be quite foolish).

Thank you Lord for giving me a great opportunity and life-changing experience. I still continue to praise You through this time of sadness and grief. Let's now see what is around the corner...