"and where do we go from here?"
"which is the way that's clear?"
Anyone know of that old 70's song "Rock On"? Well, I found the prettyest girl I ever seen over 20 years ago but those two lines apply in another way that I will explain in a moment. Yesterday I was sick for most of the day. In fact, after I had breakfast with Bill and Greg, by the time I got home I headed for bed. Except for, literally, a handful of minutes here and there to answer a phone call or two and send an email or two, I was out like a light all day and night with a 101 fever. It's like I get one of these every year: sick and out for an entire day and then it's over. Although, and this might sound weird at first, I think that getting sick was another one of God's ways of speaking to me. It slowed me down. To be honest, I didn't really think much about my situation yesterday. Everything just stopped.
All day Tuesday was an emotional whirlwind. Lows and highs. Yes, even highs. The outpouring of love and support was amazing. People willing to do what they can to help out. To offer just ear to listen. Some words of encouragement. Even to have a beer or two together. Even Bryan who is seeing what he can do with some employment where he is at: whether part-time, full time, or even temporary. I don't worry about my future. God is with me and my friends are all around me. How can things possibly fail? Not a chance!
So I think that the intense emotional ride on Tuesday must have contributed to my Wednesday sickness. How am I today? Better, as should be expected I suppose. There are still some things that got me a bit put off that I found out later. One in particular was that amongst the many that got affected, I was the only artist completely let go. That one made my heart sink. The only one gone. Yeah, some got their postions altered, some went to part time. You know what, if it came to part time, I would have taken it. Getting another PT would have been no big deal, maybe even take on a bunch of lessons. Mary's work has the benefits - which will be kicking in with us in May anyway - so that would have been no problem. I guess it was how things were handled that really got to me. Although we knew this stuff was coming, the silence my way was deafening. Almost like there was no question. To find out about being the only artist totally let go did kind of make it feel that what I did (and what I could do) seem of little value. I don't know if I will ever really know how that came about. I don't know if I will completely understand. I'm sure that the bitterness will fade - it actually is now. I don't like being bitter.
So, back to the song. As of today, I don't know where I am going or what to do. I really don't. There are paths I can explore. There are things I can do. At 45, I have to think about where I think I can be in 10-20 years. Short term, it wouldn't be bad to at least nab something part time. However, we need to make up the salary lost. I do have my Mechanical Engineering degree and about 15 years experience in it but, unless we think we are heading for the bread line, I have no desire to go there again. That would kill me. For a number of reasons, I want to keep us here where we are. That is priority but not an absolute. How to do that? You know I have thought that maybe a couple part time positions would work. Maybe one half of that would be expanding lessons (although that wouldn't be immediate - could be a problem in the short term). Bryan had some intriguing possibilities at Marquette (much due to my experience with Sharepoint which runs cccartists). Probably as a part time thing but definitely something to look into. Of course, to work at another church doing what I did would be awesome. That can be difficult though to stay here if something like that came up - where would it be? It would basically mean saying good bye to CCC. If a good position came up, that might have to happen. However, here is another thing that involves a move: with the housing market the way it is now, we could take a loss on the house by having to move. I would like to avoid it if at all possible. We'll see.
I haven't had much more come up on my radar just yet. This is only the third day. I have thought of doing something on my own but have no idea what it would be. My thought is that it might be to get anything short/mid term while still exploring something long term. For now, and for the next couple days however, I am going to take some advice I received from some friends who have been here before. That is to enjoy a few days off and get the emotions out of the way. Then get on it. Hard for me to do since I am not about doing nothing; I need to stay active. But I will heed the advice. However, if anyone out there has suggestions or even offers, let me know. I am open at the moment.
Rock on...
Rock on...
6 comments:
I am curious to see how these terminations are going to be communicated to the people of CCC. While I understand no one wants to communicate this kind of information, it is really difficult to read the other blogs and see nothing about what has happened to you and others. All we see is how wonderful the weekend was at Plainfield and KC. Celebrating sucess is always good however, we should also temper that with the rest of the news. Keeping people in the dark, learning of this through the grapevine, is NOT the way to go! To date, no emails have been sent to people on the email list, no other bloggers have addressed the issue, nothing at all! That this had to happen is bad enough on it's own but to keep the people in the dark is unacceptable. We all have a right to know what was done and who was affected.
As for your future, I am sure you will find something that will fulfill you as a Christian and as an artist. Your friends are right, take some time and just be. Work out the things you are feeling and try to be at peace with the circumstances.
Tony, I never read blogs, and I've certainly never commented on one either, but I hope this can express to you just a little of how much you mean to me. I've been sick over this whole thing too, and it still just doesn't sit right in my stomach. But I'm getting better too, I guess, and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. And I'll be there for you too, wherever that is, and esp. if it involves going out for a couple beers. And when you play the beat kitchen again someday, lemme know 'cuz I'll be there too! Word to yo' Microsoft, Peace, and all that. Elic.
Dear Brother, I know it will be alright. Because God has so much instore for you soon. This is that moment He tells you to "breath" and wait. HE will not leave you as you can see in Mary's blog. I am hear if you need me, you have my email and phone number. Our prayers are always with you. Just remember "Blessed be Your Name" Peace dear brother peace
HI Tony!
I did not want to respond too quickly for fear that I would not be helpful to you and at the same time hurtful to others. There is not one word I could say that would make all this go away. There is not magic potion and will never ever all go away on this earth. However, time is great tool for healing the wounds. You know it took me a long time to get to know you and appreciate your talent. The God that you and I know will provide the mercy and grace even in this. It is great to have family because they give us support that no other human can. I will miss you and if you have a need that I can help with let me know.
Glenn B.
First of all, losing your job is a lousy thing to happen to anyone. It feels like a rejection. Crap, it is a rejection--and it's hard not to take it personally.
I know, I've been there lots. Sometimes I've actually been glad to be let go. One time I was let go from a lab tech job a few years ago. The upside was that it got to me to see after 20 years that God never intended for me to be a lab tech. I'm wired as a klutz. I could finally lay off condeming myself for failing at the first thing I tried out of high school.
What can you do?
First and most importantly, In the short run, you are processing your emotions and getting support for the shock.
Second Go personally to the unemployment office to apply. See if Will County has Workforce Development and get to know those people well. They offer a ton of free help for the jobless and classes.
I got the job of a lifetime now going to school through their reeducation program. At the time 5 years ago, I couldn't see why I was studying graphic design, except a voice in my head I thought was God told me to. 18 months ago, I got this excellent job after one interview when I had all the job skills (as a technical illutrator) from a crappy job I didn't understand why I was in it and the degree (graphic design) I didn't know why I getting it. I never thought I'd see a job like this again. This job also utilizes the skills from my second career--drafting.
Third, get some kind of job for yourself to get some money coming in. You can earn up to half of your unemployment without losing any of it.
Fourth, withold taxes from your unemployment so you don't get socked with a huge federal tax bill.
What matters to programs like energy assistance is not how much money you have, but how much money you have coming in. You may qualify.
The best friend you can make is your city or county social worker. They can help identify ways for you to get assistance if you need it. I got my last pair of glasses and medical care free. Talk to them sooner, not later.
God willing, you will not need to do these things and CCC will call you back in a week to a month, but in this situation--this is what you do to stabilize it while you're in it.
One other thing...
Don't wait until your severance runs out to apply for unemployment.
Do it this week or they will ask you why you waited. It may cause problems. They will factor in your severance and there is a waiting week for the money where you don't get paid. Maybe you will be able to avoid that if you do it, but these programs I mentioned which helped me so much have waiting lists.
As I said, God willing you won't need the help--but don't wait to start getting it.
That much I have learned from being unemployed.
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